Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
