i need an iv and a liver transplant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
