Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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