I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
