i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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