sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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