I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
