Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
