Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
