dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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