Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
