The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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