Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
