I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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