The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
