Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
another moral hangover. fuck.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
