There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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