WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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