so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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