he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
