If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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