Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
