I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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