why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
