Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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