I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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