I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
