Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
