I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
