If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
