So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
