I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
