Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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