I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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