smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He has the fingertips of a God
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
