i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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