my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
