Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want a musical about memes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
