i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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