According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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