I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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