It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
