when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
