96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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