i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
