After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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