Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think we might need a safe word for this...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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