the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
