dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
