So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
