The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
