i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so let's talk penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
