someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
