ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
how does that bad decision feel?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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