my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
