Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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