I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
