3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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