No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
