Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
