I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Come see our sink grown plant.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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