Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
