3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
