...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can you bring me the toilet please
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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