She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
