I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
