we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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