dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
