the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
