so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Pooping to opera.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
