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wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got inside last night via doggy door
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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