3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
