We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize