omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
