Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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