I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
