so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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