So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
