Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She bit a glass in half.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
