so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
