new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So many bounce houses so little time
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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