you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
