We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
