Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
