You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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