No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
