I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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