tonight lets celebrate not being married
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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