I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
