There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize