M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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