You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
