How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
