Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize