When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
