I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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