How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
