omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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