I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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