i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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