He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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