sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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