You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
